You Are Home To Me
by BoandNora-ItsOneWord
Summary: Inspired by the prompt "You were home and I don't know how to not go home." Angsty but hopeful.


**Prompt used: "You were home, and I don't know how to not go home."-Leo Christopher  
**  
"How did we get here Bo," she asks. "How is it possible that you can look at me after everything we have been through and _hate_ me? "

She knows he will try to deny it. It is what he has been doing for years.

"Nora, I _don't_ hate you."

He can never look her in the eyes and she does not know what hurts more—knowing that he will not allow himself to love her again or thinking that he really does hate her…She looks away because she knows that she would never survive watching him destroy her again.

"Then why do you insist on making me suffer every chance you get? _Do you think I don't remember what I did Bo? I remember. I am the one who has to look at myself in the mirror every day and hate what I see. I do not need you to remind me what a failure I am. I know okay. Damn it, I know."_

She swore that she would not let him see her cry one more time…she hates that he made her a liar. Mostly she hates that she does not hate him.

"Nora…"

How can she explain how much it hurts to hear him call her by her first name? There was a time when he used to call her Red. Oh how she missed him. She missed everything about him.

" _I wish I could hate you cowboy…You don't have any idea just how much I wish I could hate you…seeing you like this…knowing that you don't want me anymore…it hurts._ I have tried so hard to convince myself that we were better off apart but…but I cannot do that because we will _never_ be better off apart. So what do you want me to do Bo? How am I supposed to tell you that I am okay when we _both_ know that _neither_ one of us has been _okay_ in a long time."

He does not want to have this conversation with her…he most definitely does not want to feel this kind of emotion with her. Why did he have to be home tonight? Why did he have to let her in?  
 _  
Because he was a glutton for punishment…_  
 _  
"What do you want from me Nora? We both know we cannot keep doing this."_

" _Then what exactly are we supposed to do huh_? Can you honestly tell me that you found someone who can make you feel like _this_ …?"

She tugged his body against hers as she pressed her lips to his…that old familiar desire coursing through their veins. He pulled away from her but not nearly soon enough. He was so angry with her for trying to destroy all his carefully thought out plans…and yet, he _did_ feel it…he felt those old embers still burning bright tonight.

"You can't do it can you," she presses. "You can't honestly tell me that there is any woman in this world that can _ever_ make you feel as _good_ as I do. Your body does not lie cowboy. "

Why did the woman have to be so damn exasperating… there was a time when he _liked_ that about her…but not now…now he just wanted her to leave him alone…let him get back to the life he tried desperately to build without her…he was doing just fine too…fine until…

 _Damn it Nora, why did you have to do that…why did you have to remind me how good it feels to kiss you…_

For one moment, he allowed himself to hold her as he used to…to kiss her as if he never wanted her to stop…and she felt _good…_ too good for him to allow her to continue.

"Would you just _stop_ …this is _not_ going to fix anything …we _both_ know that our problem never _was_ in kissing…but that is _not_ what holds a relationship together."

She looks into his face…those sad eyes piercing hers…and she knows that he is about to break her heart again.

"I guess _I'm_ the fool then…I'm a fool for believing that you could possibly allow yourself to feel something for me other than contempt…and I _don't_ accept that Bo…I will _never_ accept that…"

"We _can't_ go back…we _both_ know there has been too much water under the bridge."

"I think _you_ are the _only_ one who feels that way… _not_ me… _certainly_ not me. _I am_ _the one who_ _loves you_ _when you do not deserve it…"  
_  
"Then why do you keep coming here Nora…why do you keep making me hurt you?"

" _Because I do not know how to unlove you...Because you were home to me…and I don't know how to not go home."  
_  
She stands there as the rain falls down; she does not know where it stops, and her tears begin. She only wants one more chance to love him but he cannot even stand to look at her. The saddest thing about it is that if he had asked her to stay then she would have.

" _Nora,_ " he calls.

She almost does not turn around…she cannot stand to see the pity in his eyes. She thinks he is going to walk away from her again just as he always has before…he surprises her.

"I cannot let you drive home when you are this upset…come in…"

She wants to tell him no…that she does not want to be his charity case…except he is looking at her with those ridiculously sexy blue eyes and she caves…

That is her problem…she will _always_ be the one to come when he calls…she will _always_ give just a little more hoping that _this_ time, he will remember what it was like to love her and actually _want t_ o be there…

Maybe someday she can convince him…just maybe, not tonight. Tonight they will pretend there is no future and no past…tonight they will make love until the sun comes up in the morning and then she will go…She knows the ending all too well and yet she still accepts him every time…

She hates herself for still loving him but she never learned how to not love him...His kiss is her drug and she is still craving the next fix. She is the addict; he is her drug.

THE END


End file.
